It has been a few years since I got out of school (I’m old, I keep telling everyone but whyy they no listen???) which means it has been a few years since I got long holidays. This time around, I had a 1 month holiday (considerably long).
However, I realised that I simply have the power to make every holiday seem as short as possible no matter the length. Incase you need extra powers (like me), I can generously teach you how to make/feel any long holiday, short.
Part 1 – Sleeping/Waking Up habits [“8 hours – or it will cause brain damage”, Me]
Sleep late every night (3am) and blame it on past experiences such as studying for exams. Incase people don’t believe you tell them to take the same course. Trust me, they never will so at the end of the day you will win!
Before going to bed/retiring from your owl duties (that’s how I address people who stay up) try writing a note to your Mr/Mrs. Home Minister and tell them that you’ve had a long day and you can’t really change your sleeping habits because obviously – if you change, you’ll have troubling studying for exams next time. Tell them to not expect your presence for breakfast as early as 8am. 11am/12pm would be ideal and ensure that they save the leftovers.
(repeat this process until one day they threaten to chase you out of the house due to disciplinary problems.
**I’m still staying in my house so don’t worry)
Part 2 – Food [4 hours]
It is a general fact that every human on planet earth needs food to live. (I wrote this on my own, Google didn’t help me) However, when you wake up late, do not expect bread, butter, corn flakes, milk, jam, scones, buns to be waiting for you at the dining table. It’s 11am and you have to drag your feet to the kitchen. Chances are high that you are unfamiliar with the kitchen (as you were away from home) and where the heck the food is. There comes the real treasure hunt (food = treasure). Once you’re done eating, be nice and wash everything you find. This act of doing house chores can be used later on to brag when someone scolds you.
Lunch will be served around 1-2pm.
Dang, there goes 3-4 hours just spending your time on something so precious. FOOD.
Part 3 – Personal Entertainment [as long as you wish]
Starter pack: phone, laptop, earphone, a pillow, snacks, power bank, TV (not advisable then the whole house will be beside you and you will end up watch some harmless cooking show).
Act like you’ve been under stress the past few months and reiterate that holidays are meant to be spent however you want. It’s best if you find a room/cave/hut to hide yourself.
Finale – Involvement of your future Mother-In-Law
Now that you have done everything the opposite way of how a proper grown up girl should have done, you can patiently wait for your Home Minister’s (mum’s) lecture series.
Here’s what you can expect from her speech –
- you better change or when you go to your mother in law’s house you’re gonna be so dead. how to be without cooking? or cleaning the house?
“errume maade vaise anna onumeh seiye theriyeleh”
translated as :
you’re as old as buffalo (as if they personally went and surveyed a bunch of buffaloes and found them as old as you) but you still don’t know how to do anything. (please don’t insult buffaloes, they’re hardworking)
(hahahah I had fun typing that. forgive my tamil)
And here’s how you can rebut that –
- Dear minister, I am honoured to be in your presence today. This is the 21st century and I believe that women are not conformed to the kitchen. Men have their share too. If ever I find that my husband can’t cook and clean just as how I’m expected to do, I will by all means cancel the all wedding cards I’ve sent for printing and re-sell my wedding dress. The mere fact that my future mother in law scares you, is alarming. I do not know how would you be facing weightier matters such as the current currency issues, oil prices, landslide, earthquake, tsunami, insert anything which makes you look smart. With this I rest my case.
“addengappah. oru velleh seiyameh ivuloveh peicheh”
Which obviously means they can’t comprehend to how clever (in their terms – silly) you can get.
[it actually is – Omg, you can talk so much without doing work]
Hopefully someone benefits out of this micro mini-thesis of mine.
Astro Vaanavil, Vinmeen, SunTV (who ever la) incase your hosts are having flu, fever or pregnant please call me. I can do a favour by replacing them, now you know that my tamil is so polished.
I did have trouble waking up early during holidays but I got used to waking up early after some time. I’m so bad at cooking but I did help out at home so I didn’t get such bad lectures. Don’t worry, I’ll be bffs with my MIL in the future and treat her the same like mumzy (coz that’s what I’ve been taught). However, I mean it when I say that a guy should share the work of cooking and cleaning especially when it’s your wife and mum. (you can bully your sister – sometimes).
D I T C H T H E R O S E S , D O T H E D I S H E S.
You’re future wives will love you and you can thank me in 5-10 years time. Oh and please tell my husband that I’m nice.
(Incase you’re getting married/just got married please give her roses also lah, don’t be so lame)