Demure to Devilish

menstruation_jokes_aren__t_funny__period_by_cometakealook-d5mmt5q.jpg
image taken from Google Images

12 days in a year,   12 unlucky people get to see me lose my temper, go from demure to devilish in 1 minute. Wait, 1 minute is too long, 30 seconds would be a realistic estimate. Occasionally more than twelve of them get to see me in that state. These ‘people’ are usually dadzie, mumzie, G, Bridesmaid Band or my bunch of college friends. On the other 350++ days, I’m kind, nice and justifiably tolerant (please refer to the picture below).

FullSizeRender
Me, every other day. 

Well on the tolerant scale, I perform a wayyy better than G. For example, if a lil baby pees on me (on either of the 350++ days not the 12 days!) I’d graciously say its okay, go home and wash my clothes. Trust me, this has happened, on my school high school uniform somemore. But if it happens to G, oh. my. Lord, she will call the entire household, display her ‘eeeww its pee’ face and demand to go home immediately. But if the peeing takes place on me, on one of the 12 days, idk how I’ll react. So yeah, you gotta wait till someone in church gives birth till I can experiment this out.
But there are times where G performs really well in the tolerating department much more than I do. On those days, I kinda think Jesus is coming soon.

Forget about the peeing babies & G. Let’s talk about this pain.

06e43f01ce3cd8f29dae0b51f0c7d022--so-true-period-hysterectomy-humor.jpg
image taken from Google Images

It’s excruciating and you’ve got no one to ask why me (except the gender and gene department a.k.a your parents, lol). Generally, I’m like #feminist #girlboss #GirlsCanDoAnything and on these 12 days I’m like #whywasntiaboy.

1. Accept the pain? 
They say that pain helps you to evolve and grow, you should accept pain etc etc.

Now the question is does period pain even help you grow?

Then whyy the heck am I stuck at 152 cm since 17. (thou shall not insult. I know I’m so short, but I can walk with 4-5 inch heels, lu boleh ?) Maybe period pain has helped all the girls around me grow and (I guess) I’m just from the midget family. But then… incase you’ve met them – dadzie, mumzie and G are of normal height, I’m the adorable sized one. Anyways, midget pun jadilah ‘coz it allows me to get away with anything under the sun.

2. No one to blame
Usually, when someone causes you pain, you either just pray for them like what Jesus says, or you can be like me and think/write sarcastic things about them. Another option is to walk up and just slap/punch them in the face. However, with Ms. Period Pain, the tables have turned – I can’t be slapping myself all day long or writing sarcastic lines about blood. Pathetically, there are times where I scrunch my face, limp and saying “Oh Lord save me please” – this has been my longest prayer today. Amen.

3. Just like fingerprints. 
No two girl’s (period) pain story reality is the same. Some of them are fortunate enough to have a smooth week, some survive minor discomfort, some fall into the ‘painful like Kezia’s’ category and then there are women who have worseeee cramps that I do, they faint, cry, somersault, idk what else and all.

So dear people out there, incase you’ve got girlfriends out there, for heavens sake don’t got around saying, how come so and so doesn’t whine about period like you do?

4. To have or not to have. 
There were times I lacked intellect and actually thought to myself how nice life as a girl would have been without having to grow up, attain age, eat raw eggs, drink oil (trust me, I did, after throwing tantrums and saying that the oil is U-turning at my throat), and then be ‘blessed’ with this pain every. single. month.

Incase you didn’t eat raw eggs and drink gingerly oil, please give me your number so that Mrs. Home Minister can contact you / your mum and give you a free ceramah titled:

Big Girl Must Haves : Eggish Eggs & Oogly Oil 

( I created the title. Creative right? )

But then again, this whole egg, oil, pain and pain again process, completes being a women. It’s like you can go around saying.

Menstruation – All rights reserved. Only for women.

And guess what, this is one thing men won’t fight for, for all the obvious reasons – they can’t endure the pain and everything that comes with it. Incase you dont know what else comes with it, please ah dont be so bodoh, go back and study Form 3 science or Form 5 Biology.

So men, you can carry all those barbells / dumbbells / dumb-whatever in gyms and not be able to compare that pain to this one. Sometimes it takes tender souls to tackle treacherous pain. 

But kesian the fellas also la okay. Not all are morons, mangkuks and pinggans. Some of them are really nice, like my friends. They bully you throughout the month but then when it’s time, they really take good care of you. Fill your water bottle zillion times, insult you lesser, dont pull you hair / knock your head in class, buy you food, listen to your whines and ask you if your okay 10 times. Incase you need to lepaskan geram, I treat them like a punchbag / adivangi , coz they are bigger in size than I am. How I miss Dave, Narr and Muths, I bet they dont miss me. (Coconuts)

So, there are some days, like today, where I rant non-stop regarding my pains. However, when I think of those girls who’ve been waiting for months for this to happen, I’m definitely blessed. I know of some friends who’ve struggled with menstruation, causing them further complications, and compared to that, oh Lord, I rather go through this blessing in disguise. And today I pray that all those girls get their period faster and have the same pain because #GirlsCanDoAnythingincludingHandlePeriodPain

“Sakit itu sementara, jadi Wanita itu selamanya” (btw, I modified this line by Cheryl Fernando in her movie, Adiwiraku)

Hallelujah! Sings ROARRR by Katy Perry. Period Pain who?

On another note, I got the #GirlsCanDoAnything from AirAsia, probably they should consider my new hashtag #GirlsCanDoAnythingincludingHandlePeriodPain for their next campaign.

Dear Tan Sri Tony Fernandes / Ms Aireen Omar, incase you read the above my name is Ruth Kezia Hope Muthu and you can email me at keziamuthu@gmail.com for all business inquiries. Thank you ❤

Sending Lots of Love whilst in pain, – Kezia.

IMG-3474
And here’s my situation – right now. 
Advertisements

Sweet Sarcasm

IMG-3074

According to research (done by Prof. RKH Muthu – obviously) travelling via public transport i.e. KTM, LRT, BRT, bus, batmobile etc increases creativity and sarcasm by leaps and bounds. Below are some excerpts from the thoughts that run in my mind! 6 hours of journey bro, what else do you expect. A big thank you to modern day applications such as ‘Evernote’ – I’ve never stopped noting down my excessively sarcastic & sweet thoughts.

I’m supposed to be studying for my P3 mock exams, but I’m in need of a break from Mr Porter, Mr Harmon, Ms Swimlane (don’t worry it has nothing to do with swimming) and a bunch of other people. So yeah – it’s time to de-stress (something which I’ve been doing since morning)

Previously, I’ve posted some of these via insta stories and some of my fans (I mean friends) did have a good laugh! Have fun reading, incase you didn’t laugh, don’t tell anyone else that you didn’t.

Let’s start off with something really…. ummm. spicy.

Screenshot_2017-11-07-13-05-02
an Evernote screenshot

Dear ACCA, despite our love-hate relationship, I’ll always thank you for what you’ve taught me. I am also considering if I should become a detective next. Please advise.


Next Up: When in doubt, wear slippers.

img_20171027_092254_643.jpg

With or without high heels, a lady should know how to protect herself. You can thank me for this free advice, later.

Ps. serrupe addi = getting whacked with a slipper/sandals


Introducing: my travel mate – Mr LRT

IMG_20171027_092501_113

I was so near to singing Let It Go in the train, but considerate me didn’t wanna offend the other passengers with my oh-so-Siti-Nurhaliza-like voice, so I decided to shut up sit.


Last but not least: A note to Mr Prince Charming’s parents. 

IMG_20171028_192112_294


In short, I’m short – yet filled with sweet, spice, sarcasm and everything nice.

Till the next time!

img-3090.jpg

Meet Mr Fiancé

It has been quite some time, precisely 1 year+ ever since I got into a relationship, few months ever since I got engaged and I think it’s time you meet Mr. Fiancé. Previously, I’ve mentioned about visiting us at our humble abode here, but I’m assuming many of you are still confused on where we live and on how the heck he looks. So here’s a picture of him (cue: awwww. I’m so sweet). *drumroll*

Tadaa. Lo and behold, my future in red. He’s so sweet, caring, loving, torturing, stressful and so much more that ‘his’ parents decided to name him – ACCA, Think Ahead.

logo

He has been playing such a biggggg (I cannot emphasise more) role in my life, so much that I’m wondering who, when and how am I supposed to get married (to a real human, of course). Mr. Fiancé has been the main reason I stopped eating lots of samosa’s and spending lesser time with my family, best friend, friends and everyone else under the sun.

Last week, I had a meeting (I mean Mock Exams) with Mr. Fiancé. Gosh, I was in such a mess, skipping all my other work, running helter skelter to find for my sweater and stationeries. I remember during one of our meetings where I was supposed to take notes (a.k.a writing down answers on the exam paper), I was freaking distracted because of the stuff that were running in my mind and I was using liquid paper (read: correction tape) more than I used my pen! But honestly, I extend my deepest sympathies to the person who’s going to mark my F9 paper though (I’m sorry teacher, incase you’re reading this).

Life is tough with him but nevertheless I said, YES – to love and to cherish every complicated IAS, to honour every single IFRS, to be on time for every 8am class even if it means missing breakfast and wearing jogging pants (I don’t jog, I bought that pants for fun and now I use it to class), to respect all the F-level and P-level papers, to worship all the audit firms for 3 years till I become certified Chartered Accountant and then to follow all the preset rules by the aunties’ of my society to get married fast etc etc… (Sorry the person you’re trying to contact is self-willed, please try again later for an illechevai.

That’s how ‘exciting’ my life has been people 😛 But hey, I’m still happy with all the zillions of stuff which have been happening too.

To whomever who has been waiting when the world would I post something true about my relationship(s), I suggest you keep waiting till Jesus comes. Amen. Blessed Easter (I’m so good at changing topics, Hallelujah!).

xoxo till the next time I rant write,

SSpice.

[ps: illechevai – I’m still finding how to explain it in english]

Holidays gone missing

It has been a few years since I got out of school (I’m old, I keep telling everyone but whyy they no listen???) which means it has been a few years since I got long holidays. This time around, I had a 1 month holiday (considerably long).

However, I realised that I simply have the power to make every holiday seem as short as possible no matter the length. Incase you need extra powers (like me), I can generously teach you how to make/feel any long holiday, short.

Part 1 – Sleeping/Waking Up habits     [“8 hours – or it will cause brain damage”, Me]

Sleep late every night (3am) and blame it on past experiences such as studying for exams. Incase people don’t believe you tell them to take the same course. Trust me, they never will so at the end of the day you will win!

Before going to bed/retiring from your owl duties (that’s how I address people who stay up) try writing a note to your Mr/Mrs. Home Minister and tell them that you’ve had a long day and you can’t really change your sleeping habits because obviously – if you change, you’ll have troubling studying for exams next time. Tell them to not expect your presence for breakfast as early as 8am. 11am/12pm would be ideal and ensure that they save the leftovers.

(repeat this process until one day they threaten to chase you out of the house due to disciplinary problems.

**I’m still staying in my house so don’t worry)

Part 2 – Food [4 hours]

It is a general fact that every human on planet earth needs food to live. (I wrote this on my own, Google didn’t help me) However, when you wake up late, do not expect bread, butter, corn flakes, milk, jam, scones, buns to be waiting for you at the dining table. It’s 11am and you have to drag your feet to the kitchen. Chances are high that you are unfamiliar with the kitchen (as you were away from home) and where the heck the food is. There comes the real treasure hunt (food = treasure). Once you’re done eating, be nice and wash everything you find. This act of doing house chores can be used later on to brag when someone scolds you.

Lunch will be served around 1-2pm.

Dang, there goes 3-4 hours just spending your time on something so precious. FOOD.

Part 3 – Personal Entertainment [as long as you wish]

Starter pack: phone, laptop, earphone, a pillow, snacks, power bank, TV (not advisable then the whole house will be beside you and you will end up watch some harmless cooking show).

Act like you’ve been under stress the past few months and reiterate that holidays are meant to be spent however you want. It’s best if you find a room/cave/hut to hide yourself.

Finale – Involvement of your future Mother-In-Law 

Now that you have done everything the opposite way of how a proper grown up girl should have done, you can patiently wait for your Home Minister’s (mum’s) lecture series.

Here’s what you can expect from her speech –

  • you better change or when you go to your mother in law’s house you’re gonna be so dead. how to be without cooking? or cleaning the house?

“errume maade vaise anna onumeh seiye theriyeleh” 

translated as :

you’re as old as buffalo (as if they personally went and surveyed a bunch of buffaloes and found them as old as you) but you still don’t know how to do anything. (please don’t insult buffaloes, they’re hardworking)

(hahahah I had fun typing that. forgive my tamil)

And here’s how you can rebut that –

  • Dear minister, I am honoured to be in your presence today. This is the 21st century and I believe that women are not conformed to the kitchen. Men have their share too. If ever I find that my husband can’t cook and clean just as how I’m expected to do, I will by all means cancel the all wedding cards I’ve sent for printing and re-sell my wedding dress. The mere fact that my future mother in law scares you, is alarming. I do not know how would you be facing weightier matters such as the current currency issues, oil prices, landslide, earthquake, tsunami, insert anything which makes you look smart. With this I rest my case.

“addengappah. oru velleh seiyameh ivuloveh peicheh”

Which obviously means they can’t comprehend to how clever (in their terms – silly) you can get.

[it actually is – Omg, you can talk so much without doing work]


Hopefully someone benefits out of this micro mini-thesis of mine.

Astro Vaanavil, Vinmeen, SunTV (who ever la) incase your hosts are having flu, fever or pregnant please call me. I can do a favour by replacing them, now you know that my tamil is so polished.

 

Disclaimer:

I did have trouble waking up early during holidays but I got used to waking up early after some time. I’m so bad at cooking but I did help out at home so I didn’t get such bad lectures. Don’t worry, I’ll be bffs with my MIL in the future and treat her the same like mumzy (coz that’s what I’ve been taught). However, I mean it when I say that a guy should share the work of cooking and cleaning especially when it’s your wife and mum. (you can bully your sister – sometimes). 

For once,

D I T C H     T H E     R O S E S , D O     T H E     D I S H E S. 

You’re future wives will love you and you can thank me in 5-10 years time. Oh and please tell my husband that I’m nice.

(Incase you’re getting married/just got married please give her roses also lah, don’t be so lame)

0900096d73e1d43b428bbade71229e93
I might settle for roses. They’re so prettayy               p.c. – pinterest

xoxo,

Spice

Resolution – 2017 x 365 pixels

Well everyone who knows me obviously knows that I’m kinda absent minded (sometimes) and this always happens when I constantly hang around with my phone and forget on wth is happening around me. Occasionally Frequently, mumzy (previously known as Home Minister) gives me these free ceramahs (lectures) and it sometimes it makes me wish I could record and post them on Youtube. You’d never know who’d be seeing and benefiting from it and probably I’ll have to sleep under the mango tree that night because of that. Continue reading “Resolution – 2017 x 365 pixels”

Nope, baby. You’re not forgotten

Excuse me, I was talking to my blog. It has been like 5 days since I found time to write (because I used my time to watch HIMYM).

By now you know that someday I might make a living out of lying (don’t worry, I won’t). I promised myself that I’d update this baby of mine regularly and well it has been sometime (you’re lucky I’m not saying this after a year). Sometimes I wish I had like either 30 hours a day or maybe learn to …(still thinking).

Continue reading “Nope, baby. You’re not forgotten”

This Christmas – my Dupatta failed me

This year, my dupatta didn’t get stuck anywhere, but sometime around this time last year I was in Santa’s ‘Nice’ list (I won’t tell you what he gave me, so don’t be so sibuk – jkjk).
I had a Blessed Christmas and here’s what I did!

Continue reading “This Christmas – my Dupatta failed me”