You can handle this

It’s 11 pm and I wish I knew what I was doing with my blog. Old me would have chucked this whole blogging routine and gone to sleep, but the ideal version of me wants to strive.

Here I am cycling, thinking of the cheese slice in my fridge and telling you about another new day.

Kezia version 1.0 (i.e. a Junior in the Audit team) would probably wake up at 8am during MCO. Don’t let me get started on how she used to wake up at 4.30 am just to get ready and board a train. Coming back to MCO days, she would then, get ready, switch on her laptop, grab her breakfast from the kitchen and get started. Her typical day ranged from 8.30 am to 7pm. She takes her lunch breaks seriously and devotes her time to her food & family. After work, she usually binges on 7 seasons of the show: When Calls The Heart.

Fast forward a year, in February, Kezia got upgraded to version 2.0 with the latest operating system updates such as a goal and somewhat unrealistic number of hobbies. So, this is what her day looks like.

Wake up at 8 and do the necessary stuff to survive (i.e. shower, eat and pray). Get to work at 9 and reply emails for the first 1 hour (I have no idea why). An email always leads to another work and that work has another work, to begin with. Work, work, work. Lunch for an hour, unless Kate Middleton / VP Kamala Harris wants to talk to me during lunch hours, I have lunch for an hour. After all the spontaneous calls, schedule catchups, occasional google chat messages and checking why the world my excel sheet has #REF! I’ve been ending my day at around 6.30pm/7pm for the past month. I try being productive and keep up to finishing my work latest by 7.30pm, simply because my brain has a toggle switch. As the clock strikes 7.30pm, that switch goes from ‘on’ to ‘off’ and usually any work done after that is a waste of my time. You’d probably turn around and ask isn’t audit supposed to be like working for crazy-long hours? The answer is that I’d rather wake up earlier to finish stuff than to work late.

Something even more challenging than my job is my personal set of to-dos. They range from learning a new language (yes, I attend classes for real), blogging, reading different books, doing house chores, watching videos on Youtube and doom-scrolling on Instagram. I’ll be honest and say that usually Youtube always wins, and then I think of my abandoned blog, the promise I made and filled with guilt pull Goldie (my laptop) from my shelf at 9.30pm every alternative day. I also perform as the world’s best daughter after dinner by doing the dishes, because I feel guilty for sitting all day with a wide range of gadgets.

At the end of all that, I think, why am I doing this and who am I trying to prove a point to. Surprisingly, I’ve found the answer: MYSELF. Sometimes, you gotta to challenge yourself and push your limits.

Also, I remember what someone told me a week ago at work. No worries, Looth, I think you can handle this. We were on a call and I guess that person was still learning my name, but still thank you so and so for reminding me.

At the end of each day I remind myself, Looth you can handle this. (At least till end of this month)
At the end of this month, I’ll tell myself, Looth if you ever commit to any more hobbies, velekematthenaleh vanguveh. (English translation: you’ll get whacked big time with a broomstick)

Here’s how you pronounce my first name: Ruth (Ruu-th) not Loo, Looths, Roof or Roofs. Thank you.

Toodles for tonight!